You Don't Cross Augusta Longbottom
by londongrammar
Summary: 'Everyone knows that you don't mess with a grandmother, I mean, it's law. It appeared that once upon a time Ernie Macmillan did not know this, and therefore he learnt the hard way.' Wriiten for the Harry Potter Roulette challenge.


You Don't Cross Augusta Longbottom

Written for the Harry Potter Roulette challenge by xXKissingSinXx.  
**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, I'm only here to mess around in the toy-box.

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Everyone knows that you don't mess with a grandmother, I mean, it's law. You don't dare upset them or make them angry because the consequences will be dire. Whoever said 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' was clearly talking about their grandmother.

It appeared that once upon a time Ernie Macmillan did not know this, and therefore he learnt the hard way. And I _mean_ the hard way.

It took his parents several weeks of reassurance to convince him that Augusta Longbottom wasn't lying in wait for him somewhere, ready to –quite literally- pounce on him again.

But how did this situation come to be what it was? Well, let me tell you.

&.&.&

For his age Ernie was the picture of innocence: blond hair that was always combed neatly, matching his neat clothes and large brown eyes. He was also short for his age, which therefore meant that adults thought he was younger than he actually was, only adding to the whole 'innocent' thing Ernie had going on. So many times had Ernie deceived his parents, and why would today be any different?

All in all, Ernie was headed for Slytherin until the end of that day.

Ernie and his parents were in Flourish and Blotts, waiting to purchase his books when Ernie first spotted her.

She was quite a short, frumpy witch, with grey hair that was tied back into a bun. She wore plain robes but carried a shocking red handbag at her side. But it was what was _inside_ the handbag that was what interested Ernie. The box of treats from Honeyduke's poking out of the corner was certain to tempt any child.

Whilst his parents were discussing Ernie's future House, (Both of them had been devoted Hufflepuff's, but judging by his behaviour his mother thought that Ernie was going to be in Slytherin. Her husband disagreed and said Ravenclaw, he said Ernie was an immensely bright lad, just misguided) Ernie snuck off towards the woman, under the guise of pretending to be interested by a book. He picked one randomly off the shelves and opened it. The woman noticed this and gave Ernie a strange look.

"Are you sure you're supposed to be reading that?" she asked Ernie.

He snapped the book shut and glanced at the title. '_Through The Ages: A Young Witches Guide To Becoming A Woman'_was what greeted him. Ernie turned bright red and violently shoved the book back onto the shelf. A few patrons had noticed this exchange and laughed quietly to themselves.

Ernie walked away, but he didn't let that discourage him. He waited until he was certain that everyone had stopped looking at him and crept up quietly behind the woman. Thankfully she was distracted by one of the employees.

The sweets could still be his!

As gently as possible Ernie undid the clasp of the purse and was just about to grab the box of treats when quite suddenly the bag disappeared from under his nose, and the next minute it was being bought back down rather viciously on top of his head.

"You little thief!" she screamed, bringing the handbag down upon him. All of the customers had now stopped their browsing to see what all the commotion was about, several of them had dropped the books they were looking at out of shock.

Again and again the handbag struck Ernie, but he seemed unable to move. Was it from shock or a discreet Body-Bind Curse placed upon him by the woman? No one was sure, and no one dared to ask.

"What in the name of Merlin are you doing to my son?" Mrs Macmillan cried. Shocked that such an old woman would do something like that.

"I just caught the little runt trying to thieve these" she pointed to the box of sweets that now were on the floor, along with the other contents from her handbag "from me. I was perfectly within my rights." replied the woman tartly.

"Nonsense." proclaimed Mr Macmillan "Our Ernie would never do such a thing. Isn't that right son?"

"Er… No?" was all Ernie said. Thus incriminating himself further. His parents sighed.

"Son, you know that stealing is wrong. We've told you this countless times." murmured Mrs Macmillan. "I'm ever so sorry about this Mrs…"

"Longbottom. Augusta Longbottom" she said, glaring disdainfully at Ernie,

"I'm sorry Mrs Longbottom, I can assure you he's not normally like this." Mrs Macmillan sighed whilst trying to tidy her sons now messy hair. "We'll be certain to give him an appropriate punishment."

Ernie gulped. He had never intended for it to go this far. he knew he was in deep trouble. tears started to well in his eyes, but luckily he succeeded in stopping them. He knew he would receive no sympathy here.

"Well I should thoroughly hope so. If you continue to let your son be so rampant he'll turn out as bad as Salazar Slytherin." she sniffed in disdain yet again.

A few of the onlookers had gasped indignantly, they had been or were Slytherin's, and therefore resented that comment, but no one was going to argue with Augusta, not after that display.

"Naturally." Mr Macmillan said "Now, what do you say to Mrs Longbottom, son?" he asked.

"I'm sorry Mrs Longbottom…" he said guiltily, when he looked into her eyes, shame crawled up his spine.

"Yes, well, I suppose that's alright. Just mind you don't do anything like it in the future. I'd hate to see a lad like you go to Azkaban." she sighed, thinking of the Death Eaters who had attacked her son and daughter-in-law. Neville was surely waiting for her to return.

"Well," said Mrs Macmillan, breaking the silence that had gathered quite suddenly "I suppose we'll be leaving now, come on dear."

As they left the store the customers broke out in whispers, discussing what would happen to the boy and what his punishment would be.

&.&.&

When the Macmillan's arrived home Ernie was sentenced his punishment. Until Hogwarts he would not eat any sweets, or anything along those lines and he would tidy the entire house once a week. It may sound harsh, but it was necessary.

That night, Ernie dreamt of a large handbag chasing him, it snapped at his heels and eventually jumped onto his head, blocking off all of his senses. He awoke sweaty and screaming. His parents comforted him, but said that it was really his own fault.

When Ernie arrived at Hogwarts and found out that there was another Longbottom there he was nothing short of terrified, but was greatly relieved when he met Neville, he was a kind and shy boy in Gryffindor. In the future they would become friends of sorts.

The next time Ernie saw Augusta Longbottom was after the Battle of Hogwarts. She said only one thing to him: "I'm glad to see that you fought for the right side."

Thank Merlin for the woman who had helped him into Hufflepuff, even if it had been in a strange, unorthodox way.

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In case you're wondering why I made Ernie be Slytherin-y it's because it's more fun that way, and because it would relate to the way he sometimes doubts Harry in the books. Please leave a review telling me what you thought!


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